In any case, I have learned the fine art of solitude. Speaking of being a hopeless romantic, I cry at sad movies. I live and breathe them and study camera angles and buy movie soundtrack albums and obsess over actors and actresses long since dead.
I tape their pictures on my walls. I've tried to trace the reasons for my complete love of classic movies, and I think it was because I was homeschooled by a ever-so-slightly fundamentalist Christian family, and we didn't have cable when I was a kid or friends , but that's another story. Not to mention Gene Kelly movies. Turner Classic Movies has practically saved my life My first crush was on Frank Sinatra, when I was 8 years old.
I was sure that I was going to marry him, thanks to my poor sense of time see 6 below. My mom had to break the news to me that he was, in fact, much older than I was, practically an old man even.
I think she even dropped the word 'fat'. I cried all day. I have no sense of time. At all. When I say something will take me five minutes, it could mean two seconds, 45 minutes, or three hours. I also had no sense of time in terms of ages and years until I was about 10 years old I have two typewriters, I say words like 'hot-cha' and 'palooka', and when somebody my age doesn't know who Groucho Marx is, I get violent. I now find sermons dull as can be, and am usually daydreaming through them.
Though I still consider myself a Christian, I find much of the religion to be too dogmatic and filled with shaky unspoken rules.
The superior attitude concerning the 'unsaved' also sticks in my craw. My spiritual leanings tend to be rather pantheistic Nature is about as purely holy as things can get. Dogs can convey pure love much better than humans. We have a mini poodle named Betsy. She's a sweetheart. I also think 'Reality' is a very, very loose term Reality is what you believe it to be. We all know people who we think are crazy, right?
How do you know what they believe is or isn't real? How do you know they're just not believing in a reality different than yours? I think the secret to world peace is just to accept that we all see different realities, just as we all perceive the colors of the spectrum in a slightly different way. Or we're all just crazy, it depends on how you want to define it. I was not the popular kid. When you're homeschooled and don't have cable tv, to other kids you might as well be a deaf-mute from Mars.
In one church we went to when I was about 11, my youth group had three rich yuppie girls who teased me mercilessly because I was unattractive, quiet, and slightly-lower-middle-class. I now hate all rich people. I'm terribly, terribly creative. I've never taken an art class in my life, and I won't start now, as I don't wish to lose my uber-cool 'Outsider Artist' status.
When I was 9 I played the violin, then dropped it to play the trombone I have stories I've silently been working on for years and years Somehow I want to be able to combine all this artistic spiffyness into something big Read: Maker of comic books.
My brain won't stop thinking of ideas, and when I was 8 years old I started keeping a journal. Last week I finished my 30th. My favorite books are the The Wizard of Oz series. My favorite animals are the hedgehog, the fox, the tiger, and yes, the donkey. My favorite color is always changing. I also love toys. The comic artist Lynda Barry said that toys are "outfits for innerspace creatures", and I think that's very true and profound.
I project personalities into my toys, make them have epic adventures and soap operas, and yes, take pictures of them! I think it helps my own personality keep stabilized. Mix-and-match is a genius concept. On very rare, special occasions, I even put on makeup. My skin's extremely sensitive and I can't wear it very often. This makes me sad, because I want to be glamorous and beautiful more than anything else in the world.
Unfortunately, I fit into many categories but 'beauty queen' is not one of them. I only have one sibling, a sister two years older than me. She is both my best friend and my mortal enemy.
She is the stupidest, most embarrassing person I know, and is also filled with such words of wisdom as my personal favorite : "No matter how bad your situation gets, it could always be worse. You could be Hitler. We're too similar anyway. I'm never going back. The people are closed-minded and provincial. The endless fields of corn will drive you mad.
Your relatives will want you over for dinner every week. I speak from experience. Though it proved to be the location of my own personal coming of age, it was also the most depressing experience of my life. God Bless Robert Osborne.
Do you remember when all children were forced to learn to play the piano? And they had to practice for an hour every day? I wish The Law Of Pianos was still in effect. It makes you a better person. It just might also get you dates. I've included what everyone said - well, highlights from them- including Niobe's, who had to leave before she could post what she would say, and notes from the letter Fallon wrote Laz.
I also added Artika and Cata's internals, because they pay tribute to Laz - and I'll miss that guy. This RP impacted me harder than any other, and this funeral was one of the most beautiful things of all time. What a fantastic story. I ask that we pay tribute to a lad who was, indeed, larger than life, and far better than this city deserved. For all his Ye can look to his civil efforts to improve Midian's standard of living, his tireless work toward a common cause--that no one, regardless of race, creed, faith or genetics deserves to be locked away by the world, and forgotten here on this island with no chance nor opportunity to improve their lot.
He showed others how to find their fecking bootstraps and draw themselves up again. Eamon Cale's voice quiets again. He came to this church, -drawn- here, he said, by a feeling that defied all logic And over the course of our friendship--over many a whiskey where he'd tell me I was mad for half the things I did He saved my life, in more ways than one.
He defied the Legion for this parish, and for his family, the Pride. He gave me an incredible gift Eamon Cale looks to the door at the front of the church. If he tries, he can still see Laz standing there, back to the door, watching over the Mass. That damned cigar poking from the corner of his cocky grin.
I have kept the faith. And so I say goodnight, ye mad bastard, with no doubt of God's words when ye stand before him. He doesn't care. Lay down your burden. And welcome home. Midian, it is said, is a den of evil, a gathering place of the wicked, and a neverending hole of darkness - or those were the first words I ever heard uttered of this place before I arrived.
Laz was a light in that darkness. Someone who saw the evil, understood it, and yet, managed to stay good. Even managed to find good in those of us who might think that we were swallowed whole by the cesspool. When I arrived to this place, I will not lie, the darkness drew me. The promise of anonymity and a cessation to the boredom that I suffered from.
I was not a good man. Still do not believe that I am, but Laz was one of a small number of people who told me differently, and perhaps performed the impossible. He made me believe it. It was something he was capable of doing - to show people that they were not their circumstances. You can't fight fate putting you where you're supposed to be, but how you get there, and what you do when you get there, that's up to you… Laz was - is, one of the greatest men I've ever known, and I will never forget him.
He protected my family, stood by my side when I needed someone to slap some sense into me, and became the godfather of my children. I couldn't ask for a better friend. And I know that there are people here who feel the same way. Laz will not be forgotten - the deeds that he has done and the lives that he has touched will ensure that he will live on forever. And though he and I may not end up in the same place, I consider it my greatest pleasure to have known this man for the short time - a blink of an eye, really - that I did.
He was fighting hard not to let the tears that wanted so desperately to form fall. Eternity awaits you. Enjoy it. True also that I did not know him as well as most, and that will remain one of the biggest regrets of my life.
The thing that I'll always remember about Laz is his ability to make anything better: a sad or I'm so sorry, sorry we didn't get to know eachother as well as we'd have liked, that we didn't get Pop Tarts, Lucky Charms, and cartoons, mostly Those close could recognize the framilar Pop Tart brand logo.
With that she hurried back to her seat, the napkin back at her dirty eyes. The first word I think of when I think of him is 'opinionated. The second would be 'stubborn. And I remember standing, just about right here, when he managed to get a laugh out of me when no one else could. I don't think he knew how much that meant to me. The people I counted as friends. And he took every opportunity to tell me so. He -also- took every opportunity to defend me, whether through a barb or cutting comment, a laugh or a threat.
I always knew he would be at my side if I needed him. And despite all his disapproval Elise Capalini looks at the coffin before her and then those assembled. I met him in this very church--asked him to do a job for me.
I thought that would be the end of it--but He became a brother to me, a protector of the Pride. He never flinched, not even in the end. I told you--I told you She moves back to her place near Bianca.
Before coming to Midian, the only side of humans I had known was at best a dirty glance, a harsh word, and at worse, outright hatred and murder. When I came here, I met humans that seemed to care for hybrids, that seemed to be able to tolerate us, such as Father Eamon, but I still did not trust them, would not turn my back on them.. Lazarus Lowenstark helped me learn to trust humans, for the first time in my life. I genuinely respected him, even loved him. I can't say that about many humans, if you knew my past She shrugged " Lazarus was truly Midian's hero, more than most will even know.
Not just in the fight, but in trying to keep us all alive day to day as well. In time we'll see what we've lost here, but all I know is my sister has lost a beloved mate, and I've lost a dear friend.
He and I often disagreed, but we were truly friends. I have laid my life on the line for him, and him for me. We worked side by side but I give him the credit for the brains to make it all work. I won't let you or BB down though. Rest easy, you've earned it. I will not hear his wisdom debated in my presence.. Bianca Bender she'd speak her voice quiet but strong now echoing against the old stone walls reaching all ears, "I lost the one thing that had meaning to me a week ago.
I would have gone with him, if he'd but asked me to. But he wouldn't have done that I've been trying. It's difficult, he was my lover, my best-friend and my all. I've got to let him go, but for now I'm going to remember him.
Finally - finally after this long week she'd speak his name, " With his impish grin that could melt me at a glance, that loved me unconditionally for all my faults he saw me as more Bianca Bender takes another deep breath eyes sliding close briefly before opening still remaining dry, "You all shared parts of his life, work, friendship, family You all brought joy, pain, and challenge into his life every day. Bianca Bender now speaking just for him she'd break lightly the tears falling peacefully from her eyes as she continues, "I love you Laz, given time, I'd hope I would have eventually carried your name proudly as my own.
We won't have those moments now, but the moments we did share, I'll cherish. Even your jokes, that I didn't always understand. I've got to go back to our home I tried earlier this week I got you your tux you always looked so good in Go in peace I don't understand right now Artika Muliaina sits quietly now, her eyes forward and face appropriately somber If she were to rise and speak, she would tell them that the man was not a fool.
High praise coming from Artika. But she does not, instead glancing at Cata once more, her expression thoughtful. Catabolis Plutonian watches the cat quietly, for a second, but otherwise his gaze is locked on the coffin. The idea of life ending seemed almost merciful. He had done terrible things, ugly deeds that would not easily be forgiven. To be at the funeral of a man who had stood for something other than himself consumed him, made him wonder what he'd been wasting this cursed existence on.
Not altruism - that alone was certain. Thank you, for what you meant to Alric. You were more than a friend to him, and I'd hoped so much that you'd have become the same for me.
I'd hoped you'd be the father of my next child. I know, it's a terrible time to make jokes, but at moments like these, it's either laugh or cry, and I do so hate crying in public.
I will make sure Rose knows your face. Your name. What you did for her. That you held her, and kept her safe when I couldn't, and when I thought the world was crashing around us. You earned a place in my heart that night. A mother never forgets moments like those…Knowing you, I know the old saying, Good men must die, but death cannot kill their names, is true. Portia Kass exhaled and began her silent thoughts, hoping somehow or other that Laz could hear them "Laz I wasn't kidding I don't think I realized exactly how important you were until it was I can promise you Thank you for believing in me, thank you for giving me a chance to loosen up and grow up, I'm only sorry I didn't do it sooner.
From the very first moment we met, you had my respect and you always will. I love you dearly, I will always consider you my friend, and I will do my best to try and be as good and strong as you were, as much as I know I can be.
You'll always be with me, the voice in the back of my head. I'm glad it's yours. Thank you Laz was a man with a lot of ideas, and he loved working with other people who also had a lot of ideas.
He had a passion to make Midian City a better place to live, not by changing the people who live here, not by enforcing his will on the place, but by the ignoble, simple things that Science - and he was a man to capitalize it - could fix. Clean water. Reliable power. Better technology for the Medical Center.
Sustainable food supplies. And getting the subway opened between here and the mainland. Some of those we got done while Laz was with us. Most of them we're still working on. He poured heart and soul into the League, and I'm happy to say that just yesterday, Mayor Rigaud deeded us space for our new lab, which will be named the Lazarus Lawrence Lowenstark Labs.
He was one for alliteration. More than that, though, he had the ability to look at someone, see something good in them, and nurture it until that good thing grew into something life changing for the person. He did it to me. I'm sure I'm not the only one. She has an almost natural confidence about her that follows her everywhere she goes. The way she does things exists in the space between effort and ease.
She almost always seem to strike somewhere in that virtuous middle. She knows there is a difference between wanting to be liked by everyone, and treating everyone with class and respect. She is no pushover, though. She always knows the difference between positive criticism and negative criticism. With the former, she retains and tries to learn. Because doing either poorly, only leads to negative outcomes. She knows the easiest thing in the world is to judge another woman and make comparisons out of insecurity.
Because she knows none of those things are a zero-sum game. She knows there is always going to be another woman who society will insist is prettier, smarter, more successful, etc. And she knows how to cut out the noise that says she should be more like her.
No, she believes in being more like the best version of herself. She knows how to walk away from relationships that are harmful. Not just romantic relationships but friendships, work contacts, etc. She knows the difference between compromising for a relationship and settling into a relationship because of fear, boredom, or both.
In any and all relationships, she believes in reciprocity, and also giving without expecting anything back. She seeks out a strong support group around her because she knows that everyone needs help, love, and support. But she also knows that everyone must fundamentally believe they are enough.
Is this a speed bump? She tries to keep the small things small, and deals with the big ones the best way she can. She knows how to communicate her needs from those around her, without making assumptions. She knows how to commit to getting something she wants, and how to be single-minded about it. But she also knows that failure is a part of life. She knows how to deal with her emotions and puts them into perspective.
She knows that strength comes from these places. She knows that having balance in how you live your life is one of the most important keys to a successful, fulfilling life. But she knows that regrets have a tendency to keep people crippled in their past. Regardless of any bad days or funks she gets into, she never lets it permanently damage her outlook on life.
She believes that hope and faith are always worth having, and that tomorrow can always be a better day. Title is a blend of Mr. Kearney's line in Girl America- "I can see her screaming when she's dreaming for freedom". Everyone says mental health is just like physical health You can responsibly refuse treatment as well.
Same situation. Absolutely not worth it. They want to make the best of the time they have left. But those who refuse mental health treatment are seen as irresponsible. Could it prolong my life? I wonder about those times, in that sense The incredibly inconsistent diet I have of eating all the wrong foods all the time, or hardly eating at all for a few days. The insane anemia, resulting in me often being quite weak.
Hardly ever leaving the house I apparently picked up a major pill phobia after trying to suicide on a cocktail of who knows what when I was I guess that can happen when you down over 25 and then stay violently ill for a week. Between losing myself, and the physical stuff that my body has endured because of whatever is going on with me Everyone shoved every freaking diagnosis under the sun down my throat all those years ago I convince myself out of everything I feel I intellectualize every emotional thing when the spotlight is on me I care about emotion.
I live for emotion I know there is hope. I went with what I knew. So all of that to say Nothing in my life has ever been conventional, mainly due to whatever is wrong with me Attempt to ignore my other half as much as I can, and deal with it when it comes.
I desperately need to figure out how to have a spiritual life while living like this. Going from seriously loving God, to not even being able to acknowledge there is a god I know my heart, and the core is just the same as it always was I have the same spiritual desires, I have the same beliefs I need to be removed from this stupid situation and I desperately want to find a way to have a consistent walk with God.
It would be nice to go back to church, as I still love that place I saw nothing but the best of that when I went to Life I hated who I was. How do you explain that to people? I hated feeling like I had to lie. I hate to sound cliche, especially at this age I need to go find myself.
And as easy as it would be to just get lost in photography and have that be my life Everything was empty. Even now, things are far more empty than they should ever be, because that relationship is so strained. The heart is still there There are bigger reasons for everything that goes on, and it goes far beyond what I could ever comprehend. All I have to do is breathe my next breath and seek after God I have to admit that life aboard Leon's Claw is a lot harder and with more responsibility than I expected Every day I have to make rounds throughout the entire ship and inspect everything and make sure its all in working order.
If one little thing is out of place or whistling wrong or smoking when it shouldn't, it can affect the entire ship and the lives of everyone on board. Aside from my responsibility inspecting the ship, I also help Damien when he needs it.
To be honest he doesn't need that much help. He's very handy and strong! I watched him lift three heavy crates all on his own during our first stop after my joining the crew! They weren't little crates either! I'm pretty sure Damien was amused by my awe cause he kept smirking when I stared and said, "Whoa!
Having Damien as a bunkmate wasn't all too bad but it took some getting used to. I'd never shared a room, so to speak, with another person. My hammock is directly above Damien's and privacy is a rare treat. I have to use a crate to climb up and let me tell you it is NOT an easy thing to do; especially when you are sore and tired.
In fact, I nearly fell several times trying to get in the first time and Damien just stood there looking so fucking amused and told me that if I fell on him while he was sleeping that he'd kill me and make it look like an accident.
We both laughed it off but a the same time I don't ever want to find out how serious he is or not. Before I knew it, it had been nearly three weeks since I'd left home! It took some adjustment but soon I was getting used to my new life. I was an airship engineer! No, it wasn't on one of those big airships I'd dreamed of but this could one day lead to that! I wrote to Papa twice and told them all about the ship and my crew mates and what life was like for me now.
Though if I am to be honest, I was starting to feel homesick. I could send Papa letters but would I ever be able to receive any back? Surely there had to be a schedule of planned stops. It meant Papa could send letters ahead for me! I knew the captain would know of them but I didn't want him to think I was regretting my choice to do this.
To be honest, I hadn't seen much of the captain in the past few weeks. When I did see him, he was often busy mapping things out and writing letters and going over ledgers while sipping on a cup of tea. He wasn't hard to find on a small ship but our paths just didn't cross too often. He usually takes his afternoon tea around this time so I made my way down below deck to the small kitchen area. Sure enough, there he was! Captain Vincent was just finishing up brewing what appeared to be one of his favorites: Earl Grey.
I inhaled deeply and smiled slightly. He seemed to be in a good mood so I decided to take my chance before he departed. Licking my lips, I explained, "I was wanting to ask if it would be possible to find out ahead of time some of the ports we'll be at.
I wanted to let my father know so maybe he could send me letters. I was so sure the captain was going to belittle me when instead, he gave a small sigh, then replied, "Come with me. A moment later, he opened the door and let me in before following in after me. He set his teacup down and began to thumb through the notebook until he found what he was looking for. After that And the captain began to show me on his calendar some of the big stops we'd be making and when they were planned.
He was stoic, factual in his explanations as always. I took mental notes of where and when some of them were. I watched him settle in on his chair to finally enjoy his tea. As I turned to leave, something caught my eye. It was a chess set!
A very nicely made one, at that. I recognized the brand! My father had a chess set from the same maker! Printed on fine synthetic paper waterproof, the art dimensions are 17 x 11 inches. This weekend I decided to make some custom shirts for my little dork to wear featuring my logo and a few of my favorite artists. That being said, if anyone reading is into the game and would like to exchange friend codes, feel free to drop me a Flickr mail :.
When I hear the first fireworks explode on the Fourth I jump slightly. So when will the Iraqis get some of the freedoms that Americans enjoy? Like not having to worry about getting machined gunned down when troops bust into your home, or being blow up when at the grocery store. While us Americans remember the countries th birthday, I hope we remember those same people that want freedom from the bigger, oppressive force.
Instead of more bloodshed why not give the Iraqis the freedom they want by letting them determine the future of their country, whoever they decided to work it out, by force, or by peaceful political means. From my July 4th entry for my blog. I've been busy lately. Busy with work and lazy with life I need some inspiration. Joshua Davis and his work inspires me. I put together his work and words that were said during Adobe Max conference in Seoul last year.
Read my revived blog , it contains stories behind photos, and more. During one sunset, it occurred to me that I should try to create a multi-shot panorama. I did just that, and found software to stitch it together called Panorama Factory.
We only had a few more days left in Maui at that point, but after that I started shooting many more panoramas. When we got back from Hawaii, I really wanted to have some of the panoramas printed and framed. I had a few printed in large format, about 6 feet wide and one foot tall. That was when I decided that I should learn how to build my own picture frames.
So over the course of the next year I purchased all of the equipment I needed and learned how to mount, mat and frame out of the studio that I built in my garage. The whole idea was that I would frame my panoramas and sell them, which is exactly what I did. Out of jealousy, I decided it was time for me to get a dSLR too. Just my luck, i decided to start looking the same week that the XTi was released, and so the XTi is what I decided to purchase. That was around November I think.
A few weeks later I joined flickr and started posting my work, which at the time was mostly just panoramas and sunsets, and new photos I was taking with the XTi, but not a lot of art.
On flickr I saw the work of many talented photographers and artists, and something clicked inside. Suddenly I made the connection between my photography and my lifelong experience with Photoshop. All of the work I had done in Photoshop up to that point had been OK, but I never really felt very proud of it.
To me it was all just digital doodling, and I never felt that I was truly expressing myself in any way. But that all changed in an instant. With the vast amount of inspiration I found on flickr my creativity just exploded. The result of that explosion is represented by the complete contents of my flickr stream, all of which has been created since I purchased the Digital Rebel. Many of the techniques seen in my stream are techniques that I have acquired within that same period- namely equirectangular panoramas, sterographic projections and the droste effect.
I believe that as artists we all have a certain pool of creative energy that we draw from. For me, I have found that it does not matter what I do with that energy- whether it is drawing, painting, building picture frames, writing music, taking photos, designing corporate branding, writing software, designing logos or creating digital composites- it all comes from the same place- and it doesn't matter how I use it, it only matters that I do use it.
In my life there have been periods where I was not creative, and in hind sight, those were some of the toughest times in my life. Now I know that I cannot be happy in life unless I am being creative, and so that is why I am an artist.
Josh Sommers is one of the most amazing and creative artists I know here on Flickr. I consider him a whole artist because his skills have sturdy roots in photography and bloom fruitfully in the manipulation and painting fields. Josh is not only a great artist but also a wonderfully generous man who helped me to arti… Read more. Josh is not only a great artist but also a wonderfully generous man who helped me to artistically grow up. Thank you my dear friend. Josh is a hell of a photographer, he achieves impact from anything that crosses his lens.
The compositions and ideas are usually bright. Each photo is usually a mini workshop where other fellow photographers can learn something new. A master. Gracias Josh. Josh Sommers Wow!! KEEP up spirit!! Your work is very inspiring, I am heavy into fractals and mathematical art and your ideas have pushed me to a new level. Josh's work borders a fine line between inspiration and gut-wrenching jealousy. His Photostream exemplifies a masterful edge in a broad range of styles and techniques.
Whether capturing nature in all its splendor or confounding our senses with his grand illusions, his work is proof that true talent transcends the limit… Read more. Whether capturing nature in all its splendor or confounding our senses with his grand illusions, his work is proof that true talent transcends the limitations of software and equipment. Warning: viewing Josh's portfolio may cause one to destroy their camera. My testimonial about Josh consist 2 words: I am amazed.
After overlooking his magical portfolio, I am sure I found one of the best visual fantasy minded photographer, from whom is a honor to learn. Or just flying away with the absurd or beaty in the shots - keep on, thank you for uploading and the enjoyment!
Always interesting and always creative, Josh is a true artist and one of flickr's best. Josh creates work that is unbelievable. His photos are so visually amazing that words cannot even describe them. He is a very talented photographer with many great works of art. If you haven't seen his work you are missing out on a lot.
Keep up the amazing work Josh. Josh is an amazing artist and a great person On a day today to basis he achieves things in his work, that many people spend their entire life aspiring too. He can throw his hand at almost any art form and produce results like his been doing it for years. Josh and his work is an inspiration to me and many others. No… Read more. No ones photo stream captivates me more.
Josh's work has inspired me greatly. He opened my vision for a wider virtual world where anything is possible. He is one of the best photoshop users I've seen here - in terms of both ideology and technique. Thanks for sharing your works with us! His understanding of photoshop goes far beyond what most artists deem possible making his work truly stand out against the rest.
It is my hope that one day I have just a fraction of his talent. Truely a photographic artist, it is always a pleasure and inspiration to view Josh's Pisco Bandito sensational work. From landscapes and traditional photography to Droste, Wee Planets, and other mathematical compositions, creativity abounds in this stream.
Thanks Josh for sharing your fantastic works of art. Josh Rocks! Every time I see he has posted something new, I have to check it out.
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